As a parent, your top priority is to protect your children until they are old enough to fend for themselves. Protecting your children requires good health, being alive, having resources, self-defense skills, and using common sense. If you’re missing one of these, the chances of your children and partner being harmed go up.
After a recent potential carjacking incident with my 4-year-old daughter in the car, I’ve been thinking more about safety. Before having kids, I didn’t worry as much. I’ve been in fights and I’m comfortable using a knife in self-defense. But when you have a family, it’s different. You must do everything to protect them.
Just like how you shouldn’t expect the government to save you financially, you shouldn’t expect it to protect you from criminals either. The responsibility is all on you.
Why The Government Won’t Protect Your Family Like You Will
When I was doing my research on why there is so much government graft, I learned that NYC Mayor Eric Adams also grew up in poverty and was surrounded by criminal activity, just like SF Mayor London Breed. Here’s Eric Adam’s early life from Wikipedia:
Adams was born in Brownsville, Brooklyn on September 1, 1960. His mother, Dorothy Mae Adams-Streeter (1938–2021), worked double shifts as a housecleaner and had received only a third-grade education. His father, Leroy Adams, was a butcher who struggled with alcohol abuse. Both of his parents moved to New York City from Alabama in the 1950s. Adams was raised in a rat-infested tenement in Bushwick, Brooklyn. His family was so poor that he often brought a bag of clothes to school with him in case of a sudden eviction from his home.
At age 14, Adams joined a gang, the 7-Crowns, and became known as “a tough little guy”. He would hold money for local hustlers. He also ran errands, including purchasing groceries, for a dancer and part-time prostitute named Micki after she became injured. After Micki refused to pay for the groceries he purchased or his work, Adams and his brother stole her TV and a money order. The two were later arrested for criminal trespassing.
While in police custody, they were allegedly beaten by NYPD officers until a black cop intervened. Adams was sent to a juvenile detention center for a few days before being sentenced to probation. Adams had post-traumatic stress disorder after the incident and has said that the violent encounter motivated him to enter law enforcement.
Here is SF Mayor London Breed’s early life from Wikipedia:
Born in San Francisco, Breed was raised by her grandmother in Plaza East public housing in the Western Addition neighborhood of the city. As a youth, Breed lived with three siblings (two brothers and a sister), along with an aunt who was facing mental health challenges.
Breed later wrote of her childhood in San Francisco, “five of us living on $900 per month. ‘Recycling’ meant drinking out of old mayonnaise jars. Violence was never far away. And once a week, we took Grandma’s pushcart to the community room to collect government-issued groceries.”
Her younger sister died of a drug overdose in 2006. Her brother, Napoleon Brown, is in prison serving a 44-year sentence for a 2000 conviction on charges of manslaughter and armed robbery, for which Breed has repeatedly asked for clemency from the governor’s office. Breed has stated that her brother’s early release from prison would be “what’s best for both Napoleon and society overall”.
Your Upbringing Influences How You View Crime and Punishment
I’m struck by the extreme backgrounds of these two mayors. Whatever happened to electing leaders with boring upbringings and minimal childhood trauma?
If you haven’t already, research your city’s mayor to better understand their ideology and thoughts on crime. If you or your loved ones have a history with crime, you might not be as alarmed by crime today. Instead, you might empathize more with criminals, recognizing that poverty often drives people to desperate acts. While criminals engage in illegal activities, they’re still human, and much of what they do in their personal lives is lawful. They can still be your sibling, parent, or child.
When asked about corruption under her leadership, London Breed remarked on a KQED Forum Apple podcast that grift was inevitable in a government organization of 34,000 people. Essentially, she normalized corruption. I suspect crime is similarly normalized in her mind. And when you don’t have young children to protect, it’s easier to understand why someone might not push for tougher crime measures.
I’m Used To Altercations As Well
Having grown up experiencing physical fights in public school, I’m not afraid to stand my ground when threatened—as long as the other person doesn’t have a gun. I’ve endured physical pain and would do whatever it takes to protect my family. If you’ve never fought back against a bully or been in a fight, this mindset might seem foreign or even frightening.
However, growing up in developing countries in Asia, then moving to Virginia to become part of a 6% minority and attending public schools, I had to adopt a fight-or-flight mentality to survive. I chose to fight, and that mentality still applies, even in online disputes with rude or worse individuals.
You’d be surprised by how much hate exists online. If you choose to create content, you must prepare yourself to handle negativity. Even if only 0.1% of your 10 million annual readers dislike you, that still means 10,000 people are harboring negative feelings toward you.
Related: The Differences Between Public School And Private School Graduates
Effective Ways to Protect Your Family from Harm
If your local government is defunding the police and not prosecuting repeat offenders, the responsibility to protect your family falls on you. Even if your city is strong on law and order, bad things still happen all the time.
Here are a few practical ways to help safeguard your loved ones. Please take these suggestions seriously.
1) Experience The Pain And Adrenaline Of A Fight
Encouraging you to get into a fight might seem strange. However, I firmly believe going through a fight will teach you how to be more calm and think more strategically if you’re ever attacked.
As an adult, your “opportunities” of getting into a physical altercation are much lower than when you were a child. However, confronting your oppressor by at least standing up for yourself, offers a similar amount of adrenaline that is helpful for future altercations. Even if you make the wrong decision, at least you will learn from your mistakes and get better for next time.
The people who are most hysterical about the littlest things have probably never been in a physical fight or stood up against a bully. Due to their inability to regulate their emotions, their minds will shut down as they feel even the smallest of incidents are an existential threat, e.g. Amy Cooper calling the cops saying a black man with a dog off leash in Central Park was attacking her, when it was proven to be untrue.
A Navy SEAL isn’t going to freak out about a dog off leash, even though it’s annoying. A UFC fighter isn’t going to panic if someone leaves a disagreeable comment on their public social media page after they did something. Their experience with conflict enables them to stay calm.
Experiencing An Altercation Is Even More Important For Privileged People
Adults who are well-off, living in a rich neighborhood, and brunching at their fancy private sports club, can be more prone to panic when there is conflict. Their whole lives have been mostly sheltered as they generally only associate with people in their same socioeconomic class. Whereas middle-class to lower-income families who went to public schools are generally more accustomed to confrontation and violence.
When you get in a fight, your adrenaline kicks in as you dodge your opponent’s strikes and defend yourself. By fighting back, you’ll be less fearful the next time someone tries to intimidate or bully you. A fight helps you understand how much pain you can endure, which is essential when protecting your family.
Think of it like understanding your risk tolerance after experiencing a market downturn. Once you survive one, future drops won’t seem as bad. As an adult, fighting with your mind is smarter than physical confrontation. Use your intellect to fight back, whether through work, online, or by exposing someone’s wrongdoing. While lawsuits can arise, it’s generally safer to fight with words rather than fists.
2) Take Self-Defense Classes
Encourage your family, especially older children, to take self-defense classes. Although you won’t experience the same amount of adrenaline or pain from taking self-defense classes, you’ll at least better prepare yourself in case a future altercation occurs.
Role-playing scenarios at home ensures even young kids know how to stay safe during emergencies.
I’ve noticed that people who have never sparred often overestimate how painful it is to get hit. By catastrophizing the pain, they become less courageous when it comes to defending themselves.
Here’s a funny video highlighting perception versus reality during a potential car robbery. Talking about what to do in the event of an altercation is not as effective as being in an altercation.
@arroncrascall It Didn’t Work! #fyp #foryou
♬ original sound – Arron Crascall
3) Don’t Live in a Rich And Famous Neighborhood
Wealthy neighborhoods often attract criminals seeking larger rewards. For your family’s safety, consider living in a lesser-known, but still safe area. Instead of choosing neighborhoods famous for their wealth, look for areas that are secure but more discreet.
Yes, wealthy neighborhoods may have more security. Potentially, the neighborhood police will show up quicker given less overall crime. But if the neighborhood is not in a gated community, you are exposed and criminals know you will more easily give up your belongings since you have so much more. Live in a rich neighborhood, but not one that is well known.
4) Avoid Living Near Polarizing Figures
Living near politicians or controversial CEOs increases your risk of collateral damage. Instead, try living near firefighters, police officers, nurses, or teachers—people who tend to foster safer communities.
A frightening example is the attack on Paul Pelosi, Nancy Pelosi’s husband, who was assaulted with a hammer at their home in Pacific Heights. If you insist on living in such a high-profile area, avoid living on the same block as a famous politician, especially in times of deep political division.
5) Install Home Security Systems & Smart Technology
Set up a reliable security system with cameras, alarms, and motion sensors. Smart home tech, like video doorbells and smart locks, lets you monitor your home remotely and receive alerts in real-time on your phone.
The name of the game is deterrence. All things being equal, a robber would rather try and rob a home with zero cameras than a home with every home security setup possible.
If you love dogs, they also serve as an added deterrent. And if you’re not a dog person, you can still put up warning signs outside your house indicating you have dogs and weapons inside.
6) Get to Know Your Neighbors
A close-knit community is a strong deterrent against crime. Neighbors who watch out for each other create a safer environment for everyone. At the very least, get to know your neighbors to your left, to your right, and across the street. Exchange phone numbers so you can create a mini-watch group.
You might also develop a support system for watering plants, taking in trash, and holding package deliveries while you’re gone.
7) Live Near a Police Station, or Know Where the Nearest One Is
Proximity to a police station can deter criminals, as they’re less likely to target homes near law enforcement. It’s always useful to know where your nearest station is as smart criminals certainly will know.
The quicker the cops can get to your house, the less likely serious harm may come to you. For your next home, you might want to buy one within a half a mile of a police station.
8) Be Armed in Your Car and Home
If guns are illegal in your area, consider keeping other self-defense tools like a bat, folding knife, pepper spray, or a powerful flashlight. These should be hidden from your children but easily accessible in case you need to protect yourself.
Ideally, keep a self-defense tool in every room you frequently use, such as the kitchen, office, bedroom, living room, and even bathrooms. Ensure you have weapons on each floor of your home.
Imagine a robber breaks down your front door while you’re upstairs with your children, but your knives are downstairs. Or, a break-in occurs while you’re working in your office, but your bat is in the bedroom across the hall. The time it takes to reach your weapon could put you at greater risk.
Your family is also vulnerable when driving. From staged car collisions to carjackings, it’s essential to have defensive tools in your vehicle as well. Be sure to check local laws to ensure you’re complying with regulations.
9) Avoid Driving a New, Expensive Car
Driving exposes you to the public more than any other activity. To minimize your risk of being carjacked, your car should blend in rather than stand out. Flashy cars like a red Ferrari or Tesla Cybertruck will attract attention, while a black Honda Civic will go unnoticed.
Criminals may also target your car and follow you home when you don’t expect it. They might then case your house for a bit before deciding to break and enter. Drive an older, cheaper car as your daily driver.
My staged car collision incident was a wake-up call. Next time, I’ll remain in the car, assess the situation, and exercise more caution before getting out.
10) Have a Pre-Mortem Plan for Worst-Case Scenarios
Create a plan for the following emergencies:
- Car accident
- Carjacking
- Home robbery
- House fire, flooding, or other natural disasters
- Heart attack
- Physical injury, such as when your child is knocked unconscious or breaks a bone
Your plan should outline what to do, who to call, and where to go. A pre-mortem plan is crucial because in moments of panic or terror, your mind can and will freeze. Since these incidents are rare, you may not know how to react in the heat of the moment. Every second of hesitation or a wrong move could escalate the situation.
Conduct family emergency drills for natural disasters like earthquakes, fires, or floods. Where is your safe zone? A clear evacuation plan and meeting point can make all the difference when time is critical. Also, stock up on emergency supplies like first aid kits, food, water, and protective gear, and ensure everyone knows where they are stored.
Learn To Regulate Your Emotions To Protect Your Family
Learning to regulate your emotions during chaos is key to protecting your family. People who have never faced conflict may struggle with fear, but by preparing for the worst, you’ll be better equipped to handle difficult situations calmly. When you can control your emotions, you’re less likely to panic and more likely to act decisively in a crisis.
Staying calm also prevents you from reacting impulsively in anger and doing something you may regret. However, if your family is under threat, you must be prepared to put your life on the line to protect them.
As a parent, your primary responsibility is to safeguard your children. Plan for the worst, and don’t rely on the government to come to your rescue. Your family is counting on you.
Questions And Suggestions
What other steps can you take to better protect your family? Do you think those who are the most fearful, easily angered, or hysterical are often the ones who’ve been the most sheltered? Have you ever been in a fight or experienced a robbery? How many of my suggested ways to protect your family have you done?
Getting life insurance is one of the most basic steps you can take to protect your family. It not only safeguards your dependents in the event of a premature death, but it also provides peace of mind. For personalized quotes, check out Policygenius. My wife and I both used Policygenius during the pandemic to find 20-year term life insurance policies that suited our needs.
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